Cool!

I had to do this!

I've been waiting for a while to try this and I'm finally doing it. Here and now. Right above the red dirt of Australia, some 32,000 ft in the sky, I am blogging.

How cool is that?

It's a pity that the best airline in the world took so long for this service to be available but hey, it's finally here. Better still, it's free. For 30min at least. So I'm enjoying it while it last.

Surfing, emailing. The only thing I can't try which I'm dying to is to have a video conference or Skype someone while in the air. Time difference and not bringing my iSight doesn't help that endeavour very much. But it will happen. Hopefully on my return trip. At least I'll try to Skype someone.

I"m not a person for traveling on a plane. I can't sleep well and that bugs me. It's the curse of travelling on economy. Never tried Business Class. I'm told is a world apart. But till then, I hate flying.

I love to travel and see places, for work or pleasure, but I honestly hate flying.

If there is any invention that I hope can speed up and come about, it would be tele-portation. That would be something. Haven't got round the idea of beaming from Singapore to LA, 12pm to 12am instantanously would probably destroy your body clock permanantly.

I hate flying. But I'm enjoying this bit.

The movies makes it bearable.

Watched "Goal!" for my first movie. Great movie about football but wrong club. Newcastle United. It should have been Liverpool. Some lousy management decision at Anfield chased the movie makers away It was suppose to be a Liverpool film but it was not to be. It was the Toon Army that got the deal. Sad but still, a great movie.

Movies makes the flight bearable.

I measure flight time by the number of movies I can watch. For Singapore to Sydney, 3 movies and presto, I'm landing. Singapore to Auckland, 4 movies and 1 sitcom (most of the time Frasier) and I"m in Kiwiland.

Inflight movies, especially on demand, are wonderful.

But this ... internet on the plane ... is the ultimate. The world at my fingertips when I'm right above it.

Now that's cool.

2005

Never thought I'll start 2006 writing a blog but then again, a friend said recently that blog so often that it's worth visiting once a year. So there you go. I'll start 2006 with a blog.

2005 has been quite a year for me. I'm hoping that 2006 will be even better, and sweeter.

Started 2005 fresh from the boxing day Tsunami Disaster and celebrated mildly. Daphne just asked me what we did last New Year's Eve and I can't even remember.

Mattheus, our first born son, came into our aims on the morning of Jan 21 and left us that very day some 3 hours later. Not the kind of start to the year you would want but the joy of fatherhood for that few hours is worth every moment. Can do without the pain we suffered but I've learned that everything comes in a package.

The subsequent few months gone by in a blur with us coming to terms and having Daphne going thru confinement.

Went for a break in Perth and Sydney, a much needed one, and came back feeling much better.

But something happened in Perth that is a story worth sharing.

I remember chatting with Daphne before we left about how nice it would be to have a massage or jacuzzi in Australia while we rest and sometime later, in our down times, she asked me if God has forgotten about us.

Anyhow, in our second day in Perth, we went up to Raphael's place near Mandura where he has a 100 arces farm that we stayed at. With big smiles he welcomed us in and suggested that we take a dip in his brand new jacuzzi.

Both Daphne and I smiled and as we soaked in there, Raphael kept coming back to see if we are okay and I noticed he kept smiling to himself.

Over dinner, Raphael shared about how he got the jacuzzi. Only two days old he said, he decided to purchase it only two weeks back. At the showroom, he choose a total of 28 different customised options (lights, colours, blow jets, wood grains etc) and off he went.

When he realised I was coming, he called the shop to see if they could deliver it earlier and knowing Australians, it's a long shot. As predicted, they said no and that his unit will only be ready in a months time. 2 days before Daphne and I arrived, Raphael received a phone call from the shop.

"You wouldn't believe it" the ownder said "someone with the exact same customised options (28 in all), just called to delay his shipment and I have a ready unit now if you want to receive it."

The jacuzzi came and 2 days later, Daphne and I were in it.

God works in very funny ways. This time round, I think He went out of the way to make a very big and obvious point to us that he never forgotten us. For that, I'm veryu grateful. Daphne never had that thought again.

The rest of the year were work as usual dominating the year with Young Leaders Days happening both in July and Nov with 3000 over students joining us. We've got a great team of volunteers (from 2 volunteers in 2003 to 68 in 2005!!!) going and Young Leaders Institute was formed.

I was sharing with Daphne that running YLF is like playing chess. You move your pieces into position for a certain strategy and then you move them in sequence to win. That's how I feel like. Almost all my pieces are almost in place and we just need to move the right steps forward.

In short, it was a great year for us at YLF. Funds raised could be better but, it's still a great year!

We had lots of time this year to catch up with friends, some long lost, and it was great being amongst friends and loved ones again. A luxury we seldom had that we learned to cherish.

Christmas, my favourite time of the year, arrived much faster than I thought. Lots of presents to buy (last minute yet again) and receive. Bought myself a digital piano which became Daphne's talking point for the rest of the year about the gadgets I own. Not that many in my opinion. :o)

Christmas has also become the time where my family gather at our house for a family dinner. A tradition that I hope will go on for a long time. It's great seeing Troy (my nephew) opening his presents and everyone having a good time. I think that's what Christmas is all about. A time where family enjoys being together. Sharing life and joy together. Just waiting for that day where we can worship together as a family. It will come. One day.

And just a few hours ago, Daphne and I were invited to the most expensive countdown dinner ever, $998 per person (all paid for .. phew!), and we ate our way thru a 10 course dinner and ended with dessert 10 mins before midnight. Gathering at the balcony over looking the harbour, and at the stroke of midnight, the "symphony in the sky" started with a magnificent fireworks display. It was really nice.

Fired at various locations around Mount Faber and Sentosa, the final ones were right above us and I kissed Daphne. It's not often you get to kiss your wife right under the fireworks and so I did.

That's how my year ended. On a very sweet note. And my prayer is that it will be even sweeter for 2006.

And how did I start the new year?

Well, I couldn't resist kneeling down and whispering "happy new year" to the little girl that is enjoying every moment in Daphne's womb. :o)

Happy new year!

Hunger

I'm hungry.

I've also just realised that a lot of people are hungry.

How I came to that realisation? We (more than 600 of us) all met at Orchard Hotel tonight to hear from probably one of the best bible teacher that I know, Dr. Ravi Zacharias.

And boy was I fed. The Word of God was clear, comprehensive and enlightening. In his typical self, it wasn't high tempo, high impact or even high energy. It was plain, it was clear though it wasn't simple. It was intellectually stimulating but practical. At the end of it, my hunger was satisfied.

Ravi has the neck of making simple bible passages complicated but in that process, bring home the essence of the passage across crystal clear. It's very much like turning the squares of the Rubic Cube in such complicated motion but the end result is the perfectly aligned gospel truth.

I enjoy that. With that I feel very much fed.

What was interesting was that the hall was packed. I almost didn't get the chance to go into the hall because it was filled to the brim. I ended up sitting on the floor which I obviously didn't mind. And so did many fellow hungry souls who stood, knelt, sat on the floor to hear Ravi teach.

I commented to my friend who was with me "There are really a lot of people hungry for the Word."

If we had solid messages with substance each week, would we have turned up in the masses tonight?

If we were fed fully each weekend, would the hall still be filled?

Are we really short of good preaching that will feed hungry souls?

But then as I ponder over my thoughts, I realised that I was wrong in the direction of my thoughts. What I have done is to absolve myself from my own responsibility to be fed. I realised that it is I who has stopped eating. Perhaps if I have, like what Ravi would have been doing all his life, seek the Source and learn, I wouldn't have felt that hungry.

And each time I hear a message, it's a further adding to the lessons I have learned in my own time studying the Word instead of the sunday message being my primary source of feeding.

I think I've learned something today. I now realise why I'm hungry.

It's purely because I've stopped eating.

Hmm... food for thought?

Mattheus

Dear friends and loved ones,

2hrs 42mins was duration of my son’s life on this earth on the morning of 21 January 2005. Mattheus Tan was born to Martin and Daphne Tan at home at 9.40am. At 22 weeks and slightly over 500 grams, being extremely premature, our son left us to be with the Lord. The fact that he is with the Lord brings immense comfort in our time of grief.

To be honest, we really don’t know what caused the premature birth that results in his untimely death. In fact, I have a feeling that I’ll never know until when I’m with my Father in heaven. I’ll probably ask Him why would He be so cruel as to take my son from me. My first born whom He gave as a gift to us. We chose Mattheus because the name meant “gift of God”. Perhaps it’s apt.

I know God will have an answer that will astound me but I just can’t see it today.

However, there are many things I’m grateful for as I still see His gracious hands at work. A paradox that baffles and an irony that is bitterly sweet.

As a Father, I’m thankful that despite my baby being born without anyone beside Daphne, 45mins without oxygen, or the little his small lungs could cope with, Mattheus survived for more than 2 hours. A period just enough for his Dad and Mum to hold him in this world and experience the joy of parenthood, and for him, to experience our love. A short period but nevertheless, important and sweet. I believe God allowed Mattheus to survive just enough so that we could hold him alive, something that I’m eternally grateful for. Medically, there is no way he could survive out of his mother’s womb for 45 min without medical aid. But God intervened, just enough.

As a Husband, I’m thankful that Daphne is safe and sound with me. Given that she went into premature labour at 22 weeks, and that she delivered Mattheus without anyone at home, Daphne gave birth to our son as if someone was there to usher the baby out. Though remnants of placenta was found to have remained in her womb, the umbilical cord snapped in a way that Daphne is safe and her womb continues to be healthy. It is as if God was the midwife doing everything necessary to ensure that Daphne is safe. In the midst of extreme trauma and tragedy, God intervened. Just enough for Daphne to be safe and us able to be parents again in the not to distant future.

What more can we ask for as parents and me as a Husband? I can see so many others who may not have the blessings as us, to survive a premature labour and to hold our 22 weeks old baby in our arms, even if it’s for only a few min.

So I’m thankful and grateful for all that has happened. I’m leaving all the painful questions that I have now for heaven. When I get there, I’m certain for two things. I’ll get the answers I want from God and see my son, the Mattheus he was meant to be.

I’m also thankful for friends and loved ones who have surrounded us in this time of need. Every single word spoken and every single hug counts so much to us. I stand at the crematorium seeing the many friends who made their way to bid farewell to a baby they have not even met, let alone know his name. But your presence made so much difference. Apart from the strength from the Lord holding us up, it is your love that made everything meaningful and manageable.

So as a couple, we want to thank you, every single one of you for praying for us, standing by us, helping us, walking with us, crying with us and mourning with us. It’s not an easy time but we’ll get though it with the Lord’s strength and grace, and with you surrounding us with your prayers.

Thank you for your love shown towards us. For that, we are eternally grateful.

HisDonkey
Martin & Daphne Tan

Tsunami

More than 18,000 people are recorded dead.

Millions are affected. Most homeless. Many lost their loved ones. Many simply lost everything.

As Channel News Asia continues with reports of the devastation that affected countries are facing, I am typing this blog at home. Safe and sound in a country protected by land masses that we don't own. A protection that perhaps we as Singaporeans take so much for granted.

I am sad.

An unprecendented earthquake in the seabeds of Sumatra measuring 9 on the Richter Scale, created Tsunamis that no one in Asia ever seen before.

I just sneaked a peak at the newsbar, the death toll now is recorded as 23,000 dead.

I am sad.

How can we not be sad at such a disaster and tragedy? How can anyone not feel for the many orphans and widows or widowers that are created in an instant.

The saddest part of all for me, it seems that many of my fellow Singaporeans were simply more concern about their distrupted holiday than the theatre of tragedy that is surrounding us, less than two hours budget flight away.

How sad can we be?

I watched in horror when Channel News Asia reported about the Tsunami and in less than a few minutes, interviews of Singaporean holiday makers expressing the displeasure about not getting a full refund or complaints about their holiday plans being thawrted were filed.

No tinge of sadness. No comments of concern for our fellow Asians suffering around us. No statement of condolence to the families that lost their livelihood, through the death of the sole bread-winner, or simply the flooding of their land the toil for food.

No such things. Simply laments and complaints about refunds, re-routing of flights and rescheduled departures. How sad can we be.

These are my fellow Singaporeans. Living in a country where earthquakes and Tsunamis are simply geography exam questions or news we watch on television. A country where we are pre-occupied more with the latest rise and fall of COEs more than the rise of the death toll this one earthquake caused.

Am I being hard on ourselves? Maybe. Or were the comments by such interviewees not a representation of what the nation feels? I don't know. Perhaps, a simple question may help. What did we do when we first hear about the disaster?

Anyone offered a prayer?

So we continue to be sad. Both for those who are suffering this very minute. As well as for ourselves as Singaporeans.

Join me to pray. Just for a minute. Holiday can wait, just for a little while more.

Jenny

This is a eulogy I shared at my friend Jenny Tee's funeral at Mandai Crematorium on the morning of November 22, 2004. Jenny went home to be with the Lord at the age of 45 after an prolonged fight against cancer. She fought a good fight, she finished the race and now I know she is in a better place.

******************

Sometimes we wonder why we don’t say enough of the things we write in eulogies when the person is still around. This words I am about to share, some I shared with her personally, for some, like everyone else, I wish I said more to her.

Jenny to me is a lady that embodied the word LOVE even though in her lifetime, she didn’t have someone special to share intimately. But she makes up for that in her love for God and people. Jen just loves the people around her.

She spent time with people. When I think about the time I could have spent with her in the last few weeks, I remember how Jenny was there for me, for my wife Daphne, for people who mean a lot to her. She made time for people her priority.

That made Jenny the special someone we know her to be.

Not only does Jen likes spending time with people she loves, she makes sure the people knows she’s there for she is always so loud.

We have a little joke in the church office that before we can see Jenny coming, we can hear her coming. Most of us will agree that when Jenny’s on leave or out, the decibel level in the office drops. Significantly.

Perhaps this is why I miss her more. I’m not sure if I know anyone else who is as loud as her and yet as lovable and affable as her.

Jen was like a big sister. We shared a lot openly. When I was still on staff, Jen, Linda and I would spend a fair bit of time together talking (during office hours), catching up and finishing up her bottle of cranberries.

What I would miss most about Jen is that she listens. Even though sometimes she would give the weirdest response but you know she was listening and you feel and know she listened to you.

In her final relapse of cancer, I learned to return the favour. On the occasions I visited her at the hospital and her home, I brought food in return for the bottles of cranberries I ate in her office. I would message her about me coming and she would tell me her craving. Rojak from Tiong Bahru, Pineapple and the very last thing I bought her was Rotiboy.

When I’m there, I’ve learned to listen. All she could share about, besides her pain, was her concerns for people she loved and cared about. She would share about what others were going through. She would talk about how hard people were working. How she would like to spend more time with people when she gets well and able to get back to work.

She talked and she talked. Not just about her pain and suffering but about the people she loves. As Daphne and I prepare to leave (so that she can continue watching her latest hobby: the Alias DVDs) and pray with her, only then will she start sharing in detail about her pain and suffering. We would then pray, every step trusting that God will be sovereign.

This is the Jenny that I know and I miss. Like many here, I wish I could spend more time with her but perhaps, through her life, she has showed what matters most in life is not how successful we are but how much lives we have touched and spent time with.

Jenny, I’ll miss the times we spent together in yours and Linda’s room laughing and chatting. I’ll miss your loudness, your comments, your irritating smile but most of all, I’ll miss having you around. I know that you are in a better place and from now till then, I know that heaven is a much louder place now that you are there.

Sleep

Ever wondered why we sleep?

I knew I wanted to Blog tonight before I go to bed but couldn't quite decide what topic until my body tells me it was time to sleep.

Okay, the clock on the top right hand corner of my desktop tells me it is getting late.

But who started this tradition of sleeping when it is getting late anyways?

Can you imagine if we have 24 hours and don't have to waste a single minute over sleep? It means that we can work two jobs and have time for the family, friends and fun. It means that with twice the income, we can afford a bigger house and a bigger car.

Since we are at it, why not two cars since we don't have to sleep anymore. One for the day and one for the night.

It will be so fun wouldn't it?

But if we don't have sleep, it really means that we just keep working and playing.

No more nice dreams (or for some wet dreams). It will be a life where there will be no more deje vu. No more fantasies about me being elected the President of the United States of America.

It also means that there will be no more bed time talks between husband and wife. And worst still, no more sex (ok.. you can have that anytime of the day) No more cuddling in bed and no more good night kisses.

Can't really imagine a life without saying good night.

Oh yes.. no more waking up at 2am in the morning watching Liverpool beat Arsenal 4-0 at the FA Cup Finals (and hearing breaking news that Manchester United is relegated to Division 1) because, we are busy working in our second job as we are not sleeping.

Come to think of it, sleep isn't that bad a thing after all.

I don't know. Still figuring it out. But one thing is certain, both the clock and my body is tell me ...

It's time to sleep.

...

Good night.